The 4.15 Project

As the day closes I must end it in gratitude. Three years ago today, April 15, 2021, I was fighting for.my life but I wasn't alone. God was with me. The interssors, family and friends were  fighting with me through prayer and BIG expectations. Although the doctor told everyone to prepare for the worse, I am so glad that I had an army of people who believed a miracle was possible and I was in agreement with them all. I AM proof that when we gather in real anticipation and petion God. We will be blessed I indeed. So thank you.

Not that type of crabs...👀😂 On May 3, 2021, my sisters bought me crabs🦀 to the hospital. You may think it's hilarious, (it is 😂), but this was love at its best. I was in ICU step down, (before I went back to ICU) and I was in and out of surgeries, in unimaginable pain, and just overall miserable. This not so little gesture was a turning point for me. This was a little piece of normalcy in a completely abnormal situation. No one but God will know my true feelings and thoughts during this time in my life because I have been super careful not to plant seeds that I have no intention of growing. What I will say is that even now, two and a half years later, sometimes darkness 𝍈 tries to creep in but in true "ME" form, I ain't scared of the dark! With the darkness comes a fight. A fight to see the light💡 when there is none visible. A fight to dig DEEP into myself to grab at whatever light I can muster up in those moments. Without fail, every time I'm getting to th...

It's been a year and a half since my reality was shifted and catapulted into a puzzle that I have been working on daily. There are so many pieces to my new reality that I have yet to even locate and haven't even considered what they may manifest as.Take into consideration my relationship. This is something that people don't even acknowledge or concern themselves with.  Before my accident I was not really concerned with having a life partner. Yes, I have been in a relationship with someone for almost two years now and we were only like 6 months in when I almost died. He was there for me when he could be but he wasn't my main source of support and that to me is a problem. My whole adult life, everytime I have been in a relationship, my kids and partner have been my family so if I needed someone to drive me home from the dentist or keep the kids while I was away it would be my partner's and I responsibility to make sure those things were done before ever reaching out t...

The social security disability and SSI processes are ironically crippling. It's been over a year and a half and they keep telling me they don't have substantial evidence to make a decision on my disability 🤦🏿‍♀️, I wish I could sue them. I know it's normal but normal doesn't make it okay. How can a system intended to assist those in need be so diabolical and debilitating? Almost every governmental asistance program is fundamentally or intentionally flawed. It's your prospective that will determine which is which. I Thank God I have reliable people in my corner because it's a struggle for me so I can only imagine what others who don't have the needed support are going through. It's also a blessing to have the wherewithal to know a little about budgeting and managing money. There is still a need for me to learn how to get out of debt without depleting funds as well as generating passive income while disabled.  Maybe in the near future I will find a way ...

So on Sunday, July 4, 2022, I WALKED up the steps for the first time. The past few months since I've been able to get up the steps, I've been going up, scooting on my butt lifting myself with my arms and one of my kids holding my right leg.... Then I had to scoot myself in the room and then lift myself onto my bed with one of them holding my right leg and my back against the bed. This was a draining but very necessary process. Since, my first consultation with Adam at the hangers clinic, I've been contemplating how I would maneuver around without killing myself or contributing to the already intolerable pain. When I got my custom leg brace, "Mad Max", I had all of these plans and endeavors in which I would master easily in my head. However, the initial use went horribly wrong. I had sporadically booked two hotel rooms for me and the kids at a casino in Atlantic City for two nights. The plan was to get a handicapped accessible room so I could shower on my own for o...

Every day since April 15, 2021, I have had something I could have complained about. I still have substantial complaints that could justify any unproductive action  I could choose to take.  From the excruciating consistent pain, mobility deprivation to the lack of financial stability, I could at any moment present signs of depression or worse. However, there is a scripture that comes to mind that can somewhat depict why that is NOT my story.        "Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:6‭-‬7 NLT) God's peace is absolutely beyond comprehension. I can not by any means credit myself with anything except choice. I can smile and be productive not because everything is okay but simply because I have been gr...