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Time Warp

While I was in ICU for  almost 3 months I missed a lot. The first was my mom mom passing. That shit stung. I was just getting out of the woods myself and they told me she was gone. My first thought was that it was somehow my fault. I never said that to anyone because I knew how outlandish that thinking was but I would be lying if I said it didn't cross my mind. Second thought was she left this world so I could stay. What was the rationale behind this? I really don't know but it was on my mind like there was this balance that had to be maintained. 

The next thing that passed me by was my oldest son's prom. I was sad but I knew he would be okay and I made sure of it. I called his aunts and uncles and even his dad to make sure he was well put together and enjoyed himself. They understood the assignment and made it happen. I even got a video call that made my day when I saw how many people showed up for him when I couldn't. 

After prom, it was his graduation, the time I said and planned to pull out all the stops, but I wasn't able to do it. My goal was to buy him a car and give him a nice financial cushion, that's partly why I had returned to work in April, right before the accident. My oldest was truly the ideal kid. There isn't one person in this world that can say otherwise.  He remained on the Honor roll his entire academic career, never getting into any trouble or causing me any extra headaches. I would always say he was the adult between us. Graduation day came and again I was on the other end of a video call laying in a hospital bed excited and crushed all at the same time. I just chose to smile because I had so much to smile about, again our village showed up.

Then my middle son just lost his damn mind. Doing and saying all the things he shouldn't. Getting in trouble more often than not, that's when I knew I had to get home. By this time I was getting anxious so when July came I made up my mind, I was going home come hell or high water. Almost everyone was against me going home but just about everyone knew there was no stopping me. I was definitely more of a burden than help for awhile but I made it home and I could lay my eyes on my kids. 

By August, the kids were used to helping me with just about everything and I'm sure they didn't like the messy jobs but they got done.  Then, my oldest was off to college. 

I'm sure it was a great weight off his shoulders and he finally got a chance to breathe but the other two were still at home having to step up and do more. Thankfully, I had always made sure my kids were fully independent, they already knew how to cook, clean and wash clothes. Not that they liked to do those things but it was a must. My mom just automatically started coming over to make sure I had what I needed because she's the best. Of course other family and friends pitched in when they could but she became my nurse.

I was home but I missed birthdays and various other events I would have never missed otherwise because I was in no shape to travel, still having to go by stretcher to doctors appointments. I'm sure everyone understood but I wanted to be there. Anywhere but laying on my back in excruciating pain....
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